This article spoke to me quite directly as it explains how I feel and why it’s hard for me to open up. The following is a quote from the article.” But, when people “hold space” or commiserate or pray or simply say, “I see and hear you,” those very people are often sought out for advice, when the time is right. In my personal life, when people have simply accepted me, I find that I can give MYSELF advice. I’ve found internal wisdom that I had no idea was there.”

I need that and it seems to be very hard to come by. Simple acceptance, not advice or how to fix myself. I can google plenty of self help articles or buy books on the subject, if I’m so inclined.

I can see why people sometimes disallow comments in certain situations because instead of just offering their acceptance, some people try to offer advice on how they think you ( people in general ) are supposed to be. That’s not love and support, that’s judgment in many cases. Of course there are people who are genuine and well meaning too but the effect is still the same. You feel judged and I personally don’t care for that feeling so in most cases I stay silent because I am unwilling to open myself up to that. If I want your advice, I’ll ask for it.

It sucks, it shouldn’t be that way. ” I get where your coming from even if I don’t feel that same way ” ” I see you and hear you” instead of you should do something this way or you should think that way  ,you should  lose weight, gain weight, eat organic, be more positive, be more cynical, be something other than how you are, how you were made.

It comes down to someone(s) invalidating your feelings because they feel they are wrong. Don’t try to fix someone else unless they ask, love them as they are, flaws and all.

* To be clear I’m not proclaiming to be perfect in this regard, but I honestly try and do everything I can to be aware of what I say to someone. Sometimes you can’t help but judge, but you can choose to keep your thoughts to yourself or expressing it in a safe space out of consideration.

When “fixing” leaves everyone broken (with update) | FemCentral
We are only experts about our own lives. Do not offer advice.

6 Responses

  1. +Rachael Alexandra, the Internet. It's an aquarium. We're fish. Some people watch us. Some people feed us. Some people over-feed us and get us sick. Some knock on the glass and scare us. Some people don't care about us. But we are still fish, and we do what we do best: keep swimming, and try to stay alive.

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