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Fractured Songs and Clipped Wings

12
Infinite sadness overwhelms.
A flight of sorrow, a longing ache in
The pit of your heart.
Mind numbing grief and shock
The feeling dimension of being misplaced
Everything is so very wrong.
Lost, you’re just so lost without them .
Your old life only to be remembered
Wistfully, through tears and sobs.
Like piercing and breaking of bones in your body
The grief assaults you and beats you with its relentless attack,
Yet the silence screams at you in its fractured song.

Last month I lost a soul so close to my heart it has taken me this long to express it in writing publically. She was my Jasmi, my Jazzy Bones, my Squishy Pants ( and that’s only a few selected nicknames ). She was a dog , a bear, a seal, among many other animals. She endured years of medical treatment joyfully. She fought hard and long and did so with a wag of her wonderful little tail. Every part of Jasmine was and is precious to me. From the tip of her little snout down to the couple white hairs on the tip of her tail. Many people won’t understand the depth of my grief for a pet and I could write for pages on trying to make them/you understand but I won’t. It matters not why, it just matters that it is and that I feel the way I feel. My family centered around her. Our day was structured to suit her. Everything we did had Jasmine in mind.

As Cesar Millan so eloquently wrote of his Daddy ” ‘Daddy was my Tibet, my Himalaya, my Gouda, my Buddha, my source of calmness,’

Jazzy was the same for me. She could whisk my worries away with a gentle snuggle or a sweet look. Just snuggling my face in her fur was a perfect moment. If you know me at all, you know I’m a bit neurotic, so you can imagine how often I relied on her gentle, peaceful love to get me through the day.

This picture is for her. The necklace I wear in this picture holds a bit of her ashes so that I may keep her close to my heart always. I told her as she passed that I would love her endlessly. I do and I will.

  1. Viola Takamura06-25-2014

    it sounds like me

  2. Martin Matejic10-24-2013

    Yep, i've lost human in my life as well, it's a terrible thing i've wen't through as a 15 year old, but as i grew i realized that in the end, life goes on and it's up to us to choose if the pain of loss will follow us or the happy moments we've shared. Afrter a struggle, i've shosen a second and now it doesn't hurt anymore, feels empty inside, yes, but no pain. :) Just hold on ma'am, it will be ok and u'r new budd will deffo help by speeding up the process :)
    Haha we're actually still debating about the name, since i'm the only guy in the house i'm fairly outnumbered by the "girly" names even though the cat is a he! :) I'm thinking Joy, Joey as he's a pretty joyfull cat :)
    Cheers madam, hope u'll have a gread day with u'r little wizard :)

  3. Rachael Alexandra10-24-2013

    Thanks +Susan Porter :)

    +Michael Rector Me too..

    +Martin Matejic I try to do that, think of the best. I have had to "miss" a lot in the past few years human and pet alike. Then you lose who got you through all the other losses and it's just rough. Thank you for the kind words. I'm sorry for your loss of Leo, what a wonderful name for a cat. What's your new buddies name? I have myself an Oz, he's a large and fluffy ball of personality and he has helped me tremendously. He's quirky and entertaining which is a welcome distraction.

    +April Hill  * hugs back * Mine too…

    +Nicolette Whealy  * mighty huggles * Through the illness sometimes you grow closer. You get to become in tune with how they look, the sheen of their coat and the color of their gums. Tactile bonding, at least it was for me and I love to cuddle regardless ( she was the first dog I had that I could really just hug and hold onto because she was wonderfully gentle ) but it's a whole other dimension. We had to grab that beautiful scruff to administer her insulin, give her many strictly spaced medications, ear stuff, paw stuff , her thirst, keeping an eye on her bathroom habits and if they were normal or not. Through the level of caregiving your bond can grow stronger. As much pain and worry as that can cause it's also a great gift.

    +Peter Day  Thank you :) Hugs and love to you too. 

    +Sandra Parlow  Thank you as well Sandra :) *hugs *

    +Dan Peterson  I luckily have a wonderful family too, they help a lot. Maybe you just grieved long enough for two loves even if you didn't know it at the time ^^ I'm surviving, I still have people who depend on me, so I've got to do my best not to lose myself.

    Thanks +Ian Meredith  Hugs too . Yes, so much of what you described. I'm doing what I can to get into the swing of things. This  "thing" is hard for me to do normally, I have anxiety about almost every single thing I post lol When I'm in a way I become quite withdrawn. Then as I sort myself I can take more steps toward my own normal as this was. I have been hanging onto this for a couple weeks and only had the will to post it now. Thank you for understanding though and for the nice compliment too :)

  4. Ian Meredith10-24-2013

    {huggggs}

    The joy of a pet is that it is always there for you, unjudging,  when the things or humans you wish were there are so often not.

    The tragedy is that such short lives dictate a day that they are not – yet the things or people you wish departed – remain all too prevalent.

    Hang in there – your posts are missed, and you write so beautifully.

  5. Dan Peterson10-24-2013

    I know the feeling +Rachael Alexandra I live next to my father for the same reason . I stared at a wall for more than a few years . pets can seem more human and for me more likeable than the average person , grief is an odd thing . that part of me is broken . because of the pain I felt for so long ,I was unable to feel it for my loving mother last year. do the best you can feel better sooner than later

  6. Sandra Parlow10-23-2013

    so sorry Rachael. Big hugs to you

  7. Peter Day10-23-2013

    big hugs Rachael…to lose a dog after many years of loyalty,fun and sad times is equal to loosing a child…..hurts so bad,your chests hurts inside… I feel for you… We will all hurt here when our German Shepard goes…. Hugs n love to you x

  8. Nicolette Whealy10-23-2013

    ~Huggles~ with both of my dogs fighting through illness I completely understand how heartbreaking it all is, I'm always here for ya girlie ~hug~

  9. April Hill10-23-2013

    sigh…..
    My heart hurts………..

    hugs and more hugs +Rachael Alexandra

  10. Martin Matejic10-23-2013

    Indeed beautiful way to remember her, the pain u feel now madam will fade in time, don't worry. What will never fade are the memories, happy memories with her. I know how it feels, it sucks, badly, i've lost my cat, Leo, few months ago but it does get better in time. Now i've got a new buddy, smaller but very hyperactive as all young cats are, and i've got the scratches to prove it :) My advice is, when u caught u'rself thinking of Jazzy, think of the time when she was at her best!

  11. Michael Rector10-23-2013

    Beautiful picture, poem, and tribute to the best dog I have ever met. :'(

  12. Susan Porter10-23-2013

    A beautiful tribute to Jasmi.  (hugs)

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"Midway in the journey of our life • I came to myself in a dark wood • for the straight way was lost" - Dante's Inferno